


If I Was Stronger

by Unknown333



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Depression, F/M, Language of Flowers, M/M, Multi, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Polyamory Negotiations, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:47:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25677577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unknown333/pseuds/Unknown333
Summary: MC and Saeran escape from Mint Eye and everything changes. Just months after Jumin and MC announce their engagement and Saeran is left to work through his trauma. However, Saeran still has feelings for MC. Not knowing that she and her new husband also feel the same.
Relationships: Choi Saeran & Han Jumin, Choi Saeran/Main Character, Han Jumin/Main Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my friends (Who don't have AO3 accounts) for being my bettas.

“Saeran?”

“Oh, uh. Yes, I’m sorry.” He mumbled. 

It seems that his mind was never in the present anymore and even after a year he was still trapped at Mint Eye. 

“Was there anything specific you were thinking about just then?” Saeran’s therapist, Grace asks. 

She was nice. She was patient with him and nothing like his savior. She kind of reminded him of-

“Have you spoken to MC lately? You haven’t mentioned her since she and Jumin were married.” 

He had to close his eyes then and focus on breathing. This whole thing was stupid. MC was one of his closest friends and he couldn’t help the way he felt around her but she was married now; his feelings were inappropriate and he needed to get over his stupid crush. 

“I haven’t seen her or Jumin since they returned from their honeymoon. She’s called a few times and messages me but I don't say much.” Saeran stares down at his shoes and fidgets.

“I think that if MC is trying to get a hold of you that she wants to talk to you and be a part of your life. I know it isn’t easy for romantic feelings to stop but maybe you haven’t fully considered how she feels.”

The last text she sent was inviting him to dinner with the rest of the RFA at their penthouse. He hadn’t even bothered answering it. 

“MC seems to be doing just fine. She married someone capable of protecting her and makes her happy.” Unlike Saeran, who took days to finally work with the RFA and bring MC to safety. 

Grace writes something in her notes and waits patiently for Saeran to finish. “Saeran, you were living at Mint Eye for much longer than MC, yes?” He nods silently, “And you put yourself at risk to protect her and to keep her safe.”

Saeran had been at Mint Eye for years before he met MC, conditioned and enslaved to serve Rika. Now, it had been a year since they were both safe from Rika’s influence, yet Saeran was still being tortured by her as if he were still there. He was still weak. 

“It’s not going to do you any good to assume how MC is feeling if you don’t talk to her. If she is making the effort to contact you, then I’m sure she would like to talk to you.” Grace repeated. 

“But I wouldn’t even know what to say to her. We never knew each other outside of Mint Eye, if I hadn’t gotten her into that mess, she wouldn’t want to go near me.” He sounded pathetic. He knew he was whining like a pathetic wimp but he couldn’t help it. 

“Saeran, I think your mind continues to run away from you. You lived through so much abuse and tragedy, unfortunately, that dissolve over a year. Stress lives in the body and many of us have difficulty managing it. You’re allowed to feel upset with the way you’ve been treated. Rika took advantage of so many people, including you, but none of it was your fault. You can’t control how people feel or their actions.” Grace pauses for a moment and lets Saeran think about what she’s said.

“Have you been using any of the coping mechanisms we discussed last time?”

“Uh, yes. I always keep some hard candy on me now. I’ve also been using some of the breathing techniques and meditating.” Saeran pulls out the bag of Werther’s from his satchel to show her and Grace smiles. The candy was to help distract and ground him when he was beginning to feel overwhelmed. 

“Good! That's very good. Our time is almost up but I wanted to ask about Saeyoung and how your living arrangement was going.”

“Things have been great. He still works a lot but he always makes the time to chat with me. We don’t talk about anything in particular, just random things.” Saeyoung was very supportive and protective of his twin brother. Right now he’s making the effort to track down everyone who was at Mint Eye to get them the help they need and reunite them with their families. He also does his best to make sure Saeran is feeling alright and the space to open up. 

“I’m glad to hear that. Though, you haven’t talked to Saeyoung about what happened at Mint Eye or what took place before?” Grace gives Saeran an understanding look and she speaks carefully knowing that both were very sensitive topics. 

“I just don’t feel ready to talk about it with him yet. I’m afraid that he would think it was all his fault and he would punish himself.” He trailed off as his head began to beat painfully. Saeran and his brother both agreed that it wasn’t good to keep secrets from each other, but this was something he wasn’t ready to talk about. 

“I think maybe someday, it doesn’t have to be anytime soon, you could bring in Saeyoung and we could discuss this together. We could make this room a nice and safe place for you to tell him what you need to say and I could help guide you both through this. You think maybe we could give this a try?” She was hopeful, determined that this would also be a release for Saeran, and maybe help him work through some of the brother’s trauma. 

“I don’t know. Maybe.” His head was pounding now and tightly fidgets with his fingers. 

“Of course, I just wanted to give you that option. As I said, it doesn’t have to be soon but maybe you could think about it.” Grace sets her notes aside and smiles again at Saeran. 

“I want you to know that you’re doing a great job so far and you’ve been making a lot of progress. Even if you feel like you’re not, you’ve opened up so much since I met you. Keep up the good work.”

They both stand up and Grace walks him to the door and wishes him a “great rest of the day” and he makes his way out of the building. 

Saeran looks at his phone and sees that it’s 3:50 on the dot and he has a little time before the bus arrives at 4. He walks slow and wonders if it would healthy to see MC after all this time. If one thing is certain, he didn’t want to be pitied anymore. That was one of the most difficult things to endure when he finally left Rika. Everyone wanted to know his story and dote on him and it just made him feel suffocated. Next thing he knew, MC and Jumin announced their engagement and Saeran just shut down. 

The bus arrives right on time and drops him off just a few blocks away from home. It was nice and quiet, the wind picking up a little bit and the cool breeze running through his hair. This is what he needed. The air never felt quite like this when he was at Mint Eye. 

Eventually, he made it home and while he was taking his shoes off, Saeyoung came to greet him. 

“Hey, how did your appointment go?” Saeyoung smiles and stands awkwardly at the end of the hall as if Saeran were a cornered animal. 

“It was really good.” Saeran feels bad for giving his brother such a bland answer though he didn’t want to tell Saeyoung what they talked about. 

“That's great! I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up today. Was the walk here okay?” Seeing Saeyoung nervous was nerve-wracking in itself. Saeran never thought this twin could be so insecure. 

“Oh, it’s okay. I like walking after a session. It gives me a chance to clear my head a bit,” he says as he walks to the kitchen and Saeyoung follows him, “How was your day?”

“It was fine! I got a lot of work done and I finally have some time off.” Saeran busies his hands making tea for them both. “That's awesome! I’m glad you finally have some time off, you’ve been working so hard lately.” 

Saeran could tell that their conversation was getting a little bland. Grace was right, even before they met Rika and V, he and Saeyoung had gone through so much together and then Saeyoung was gone and Saeran was left with her. It was difficult trying to talk to his brother while ignoring the elephant in the room. Saeran was starting to think that bringing Saeyoung to one of his sessions would be good for them. 

“So, MC messaged me and mentioned that everyone was going to dinner at their place tonight and I was thinking of going,” Saeyoung said this slowly as if mentioning MC’s name was a bad word.

“You could come with me and I’m sure we would have fun or I could tell MC that I’m not feeling well and you and I could stay here and order out.” 

Saeran gives a brief smile, “What time does she want us over?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm sorry I took so long to update! I started another semester in college and I've been busy with homework and stuff that I didn't really have time to focus on this story. I didn't have a beta for this so please excuse any errors in this!

“Everyone is going to be so excited that you came!” Saeyoung mused. 

They were currently gliding along the road in his Hurrari. The music is turned off for now as it sometimes made Saeran feel overwhelmed. Just the wind drifted through the twins' hair as they head towards the penthouse. 

“Yeah, I suppose it’s time I should get to know them,” Saeran replies. He notices his brother taking glances at him while he drives like he’s nervous that Saeran will tell him to turn around and take him home. 

“Of course, everyone’s curious about you, especially Yoosung.” 

“Oh. Yoosung Kim, right?” He asks and Saeyoung nods. “He seems like an excitable guy.”

“Yeah! He’s also really smart! He just got accepted for veterinary school! That’s another reason why we’re celebrating tonight, besides Zen’s first movie role.” Saeyoung explains. “But yeah, even with all those late nights playing video games with me and… everything else, he’s worked really hard.” 

“So you weren’t a good influence on him then?” Saeran teases his brother and they chuckle. 

“Hey, we all knew he could do it though,” He says as they pull up to the security gate.

Suddenly, Saeran isn’t so sure anymore. He hadn’t thought of having to get out of the car and following Saeyoung inside. All of the excitement that he built up for the dinner is now becoming a weight inside his chest that’s now bearing him down. 

Instead of doing any of the breathing exercises that Grace taught him, Saeran holds in his breath as the gate opens and closes behind them as they drive forward. 

“Are you okay, Saeran?” His brother asks warily. “I can still turn around if you’re not ready.” He sounded sad but determined to not force Saeran into anywhere he didn’t want to be. 

“No, I’m fine! I’m okay. I’m just a little nervous about meeting everyone.” He tries to reassure him. After all, he couldn’t just hide in their apartment for the rest of his life. 

“Okay. They’re all good people and they’re all excited to meet you.” Saeyoung says softly. 

Of course, it seems that everyone including his own brother conveniently forgot that Saeran knew everything about the RFA. He knew their habits, where they worked, where Yoosung went to school, even their home addresses. Ever since Saeran and MC escaped, it was all about coddling them and reminding them that they’re victims. He couldn’t believe that they would just forgive him, because, well, he was part of it. Even if Rika did torture him and used him at her disposal, he tortured his brother and the person he loves most. At this point, if this whole dinner party is a ruse just to get him to go so they can torture him, he would accept it. There’s no point in fighting back anymore. If MC hates him and wants him to hurt, he would gladly do so for her. 

“Hey. You ready to go inside?” Saeyoung asks as he opens his door. 

Saeran follows his brother inside, his breath caught in his chest as his brother knocks on the door. The door swings open and there she is. Her bright, hazel eyes are trained on his and she silently stares. She looks so different compared to the last time he saw her. She was in a white gown, her long, brown hair up in a bun with a veil. Saeran could have sworn she sparkled. Of course, it was for Jumin on their perfect day. The last time Saeran took care of her, she had permanent tear stains on her cheeks and she was worryingly underweight. Now, she looks relaxed and happy. Jumin kept his word when he said he would take care of her. He doesn’t know what to say. Does he tell her that he’s sorry? That he missed her?

“Saeran.” She whispers to herself. She seems to realize that she has yet to invite us in and quickly gestures us inside. 

The penthouse is much more extravagant in real person. Back when they were in Mint Eye he managed to hack into Jumin’s security cameras without much trouble and was able to see a little of what the former CEO got up to at home. Though now, Saeran has given up hacking for good and it didn’t seem like the best time to mention he invaded Mr. Han’s privacy. 

“I’m so glad you both could make it!” MC exclaims as she takes their coats. 

“You know me, MC. I’d never give up a chance to see princess Elly! Now here is she?” Saeyoung seems to slip back into his eccentric 707 persona. 

“And you know that Zen is allergic. But I promise you that Jumin made sure that she’s safe and happy in her own special room. Maybe if you’re extra nice to Jumin, he might actually let you see her.” She laughs. 

It’s strange but nice to see them interacting like this. To think that she met them all online and developed such close relationships with them. She didn’t need to hack into anything to learn about them. 

She leads the brothers to the living room where the rest of the RFA sit. Again, it’s deja vu seeing them all in person, but something is clearly different. Yoosung isn’t just the naive college student obsessed with videogames anymore. He clearly did some growing up, almost a mature adult. He even cut his hair and let it grow back it’s natural brown. Then there’s Zen who sits next to Yoosung, quietly listening to the rest of the group chatting. He’s much more than a narcissistic actor now, an actor who’s clearly earned his way into his first movie. Next is Jaehee, it seems that she’s changed her appearance the most, she’s almost unrecognizable with her long hair, relaxed posture, and without the dark bags under her eyes. She speaks animatedly about her coffee shop. Then, of course, there’s Jumin Han. He also sits politely listening to Jaehee. No longer in a suit or with a cold, brooding attitude, his demeanor is almost welcoming. He smiles and nods when it’s appropriate. Still, it slightly unsettles Saeran to see the man so even-tempered and calm after all this time. Then, Jumin’s eyes flicker to his along with everyone else’s. 

They all stare at him as MC did at the front door and Saeran feels more like a cornered animal. Their eyes are all wide as they bore into him. It’s obvious they don’t know what to say, and so Jumin is the first one to speak. 

“Hello, Saeran.” Jumin says as he stands up and walks over, “Welcome to our home, it’s a pleasure to have you here.” He leaves some space between them and smiles lightly. 

Saeran only nods in return and shifts his weight between each of his feet as he fights the urge to turn around and leave. 

“Well, this is all of us! Dinner should be ready right about now so why don’t we all have a seat in the dining room.” MC smiles once more at Saeran and disappears into the kitchen. 

“So, Mr. Trust fund kid, you even making your wife cook and serve your guests?” Zen says. Maybe he hasn’t changed too much. 

“Actually, MC and I have both been cooking all day. We don’t really have the need for a maid or a chef anymore.” Jumin replies smoothly. 

“I’m pretty sure MC has had to teach you a lot since you’ve had maids and chefs you’re whole life.” Zen snickers. 

“Actually, I’ve taken cooking classes since we got back from our honeymoon. Tonight we prepared something special. It’s red wine with chicken parmigiana.” Jumin smiles and laughs at Zen but before he can reply, “And as you mentioned before, I need to help my partner to hand out the plates. Now please, everyone take a seat.” Jumin walks into the kitchen after MC. 

“It’s parmesan cheese!” Zen calls after him. 

“You two can never give it a rest can you?” Yoosung laughs and pats Zen on the shoulder as they take their seats. 

“Hey, I can’t let him think we’re all buddy, buddy now all because he quit C&R.” Zen laughs and Jaehee rolls her eyes. 

MC and Jumin bring out several delicious-looking dishes, the main course, caesar salad, and garlic bread. Everything and smells and looks delightful. Everyone grabs a helping of each and when Saeran is about to sit back down, he notices that MC sits right next to him with Jumin at her other side.   
They stare at one another yet again, and Saeran feels his anxiety become worse because her husband is now in the same room. He pointedly looks down and takes a bite. 

Everyone seems to enjoy the meal because no one is speaking for the moment until MC fills the silence. “Jaehee, I’ve been meaning to ask you, how is the preparation with the coffee shop coming along?” She asks.

“Oh, yes, It’s coming along well! I still have to work on the decorations, furniture, and inventory, and I should be able to open soon. I honestly can’t believe I’m almost ready to open.” Jaehee smiles brightly. 

“I’m so proud of you, Jaehee, and please, I would love to help you if you need it,” MC replies. 

“I’d like that, MC. I’m sure all the work will be done twice as fast and you can even help me with the taste tests with the coffee and pastries.” Jaehee says. 

“If you ever need to fill some space with inventory that will sell, my SevenStar drink will make you some decent profit.” Now everyone is rolling their eyes and laughing at Saeyoung. 

“Yeah, I’m sure if I want to get sued in my first week of opening, I’ll be sure to sell your SevenStar drink and it’s unknown ingredients.” Jaehee chuckles.

“I’m sure once you open, Jaehee, I’ll be in your shop a lot and studying.” Yoosung chimes in. 

“Yeah, I’ll definitely be grabbing a coffee to go when I’m on my way to rehearsals,” Zen says. 

“Speaking of studying, I believe we have something to celebrate one of our own for getting their bachelor’s degree and into medical school,” Jumin says as he raises his glass. 

Everyone follows suit and Jumin continues, “Yoosung, you’ve done a lot of maturing in the past few years and have worked hard to get your degree. You’ve also dealt with so much but have worked so hard to get where you are today and I’m proud of you. Of course, this is also meant for Jaehee starting her first business and Zen with his first movie role, congratulations to all of you and I wish nothing but the best in your careers. Cheers!” Jumin takes a sip of his wine and we all do the same. 

“I have to say though, I really couldn’t have done it without all of you. As you said Jumin, we’ve gone through some rough times but I’m really glad we didn’t let it ruin us as people. We now have two new friends, MC and Saeran and I couldn’t be happier that we all met.” Yoosung smiles at MC and Saeran. 

“Thank you, Yoosung. That means a lot to me because you’ve all changed me, too.” MC’s voice wavers a little bit but she hides it behind her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I left this on a bit of a cliff hanger! I felt like this chapter was getting a little long, so I've decided to split this one into two. 
> 
> Also, has anyone played the new Jumin Bad Ending 2 dlc? All I can say is, wow!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for choosing to read this! It's been years since I've written fanfiction, and with everything else going on this seemed like the perfect time to write some. 
> 
> After learning so much about Saeran/Ray, I thought it was so important for them to have therapy. I do go to therapy myself and have experienced past abuse, however, it is a long healing process that can't be solved by a relationship. 
> 
> Anyways, if you enjoyed please let me know in the comments and leave a kudos!


End file.
